Advice for parents

Children are learning about sex and relationships all the time, from television programmes, magazines, adverts and their friends. A child or teenager who is able to talk about sex with his or her parents is likely to be safer, feel less anxious, and consequently to be able to make up his or her own mind. It is widely accepted that if a parent talks openly about sex to a young person, he or she is more likely to delay having sex and when they do, are more likely to use contraception. Children and young people can use discussion with parents as a means to understand what is happening to their bodies, and to sort out fact from fiction (for example regarding forms of contraception, if a girl can become pregnant before her periods start, and sexually transmitted diseases).

Advice on the DirectGov website on the best way to start talking about sex says that parents should:

• start when their child is small, encouraging them to ask questions and answering them simply
• make talking about sex a part of everyday life, not just a one-off talk and keep the conversation going as the child gets older
• try to introduce the topic before their child reaches puberty as it can be more awkward if a parent waits until then
• ask their child what they think about different situations to find out how much they know already. Once a parent understands what their child knows, they can give them answers and advice that they can understand
• use everyday media to start conversations, such as soaps, adverts, TV programmes, magazines. This enables the conversation to be about other people which is sometimes easier to start with
• use books, leaflets and websites (such as those listed in the DirectGov website’s web links) to provide information or ideas for how to start talking
• recognise that a child needs privacy as they grow, and they may not always want to talk their parents
• talk about the importance of considering the feelings of others in relationships, and not just the biology
• talk when they are doing everyday things with their children, such as washing-up, walking somewhere, ironing, so it feels more natural
• try to be open-minded and keep talking, even if they are shocked by their teenager’s attitudes and values
• talk to other parents about how they answer difficult questions and discuss difficult issues.
  

Websites associated with advice for parents on sex education

Parentline Plus is a national charity that works for, and with, parents of children of all ages. It offers help and support through a range of free, flexible and responsive services, including a number of workshops. It has a section aimed at parents of teenagers.
www.parentlineplus.org.uk

DirectGov contains a section on sexual health aimed at parents.
www.direct.gov.uk

The Sex Education Forum is a part of the National Children’s Bureau and is the national authority on sex and relationships education (SRE). The Forum believes that good quality SRE is an entitlement for all children and young people. It works with religious bodies, children’s bodies, parents, governors, and health and education organisations. It has a number of factsheets for parents.
www.ncb.org.uk/sef

The Family Planning Association website has a section with advice for parents.
www.fpa.org.uk

Sex education in schools

The Government issued new guidance on sex and relationships education in schools in July 2000. The Sex and Relationship Education Guidance is supported by the Learning and Skills Act (2000) and states that SRE should exist within the framework for Personal, Social and Health Education (PSHE) and Citizenship. This framework was published in 1999 and is taught alongside the National Curriculum.

The guidance for sex education in schools in the UK, as detailed on the Family Planning Association website, is summarised by region below.

England and Wales

• Sex education, including information about HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs), is compulsory in all state-maintained secondary schools.
• Maintained primary schools must decide whether to provide sex education in addition to that detailed in the National Curriculum, although Government advice is that they do.
• Parents have the right to withdraw their children from all or part of sex education, except where this forms part of the National Curriculum.
• National Curriculum Science includes only biological aspects of human reproduction.
• All maintained schools must produce and maintain a written statement of their policy and make this available to parents.
• Currently, the local education authority (LEA), governing body and head teacher should ensure that sex education 'is provided in such a way that it encourages pupils to have due regard to moral considerations and the value of family life.'
• OFSTED monitors sex education policies and practice as part of school inspections. Over 85% of schools inspected in 1994 had produced a policy.

Scotland

• In Scotland there is no statutory requirement to teach sex education. However there is specific guidance issued by the Scottish Office Education Department that is widely adopted in Scottish schools. School governors do not have the same responsibilities for sex education as in England.

Northern Ireland

• New relationships and sexuality education (RSE) guidelines were issued by the Department of Education in Northern Ireland in August 2001. These state that RSE should be taught in all schools through Science and the health education cross-curricular theme.
• RSE should be taught within the school’s moral framework, which should be made clear to parents and teachers.
• The importance of stable, loving personal relationships, parental responsibilities and family life should be stressed during teaching, while also addressing sensitive issues such as HIV/AIDS, contraception, abortion, homosexuality and pornography.
• Parents have the right to withdraw their child from part or all of sex education classes.
• In primary school, children should be taught about the changes that take place at puberty.
• Every school should have a policy explaining how it will address RSE, which should be consulted on with parents and endorsed by the school’s board of governors.

Teachers can provide general information about contraception to all pupils, including those whose parents have withdrawn them from sex education classes. They can also give information on an individual basis about where to find confidential advice and contraceptive services. Teachers should not, however, give advice on which method of contraception to use.

Websites associated with sex education in schools

Sex and Relationship Education Guidance (2000) is available on the Department for Education and Skills (DFES) website.
www.dfes.gov.uk

A factsheet on the current law and policy regarding the teaching of sex education in Northern Ireland’s schools is available on the Health Promotion Agency for Northern Ireland website. The agency was set up in 1990 as a special agency of the Department of Health, Social Services and Public Safety (DHSSPS) and is accountable to the Minister responsible for health.
www.healthpromotionagency.org.uk

The Sex Education Forum is a part of the National Children’s Bureau and is the national authority on sex and relationships education (SRE). The Forum believes that good quality SRE is an entitlement for all children and young people. It works with religious bodies, children’s bodies, parents, governors, and health and education organisations. It has a factsheet on sex education in schools, available at
www.ncb.org.uk/sef as well as a number of publications on sex and relationship education aimed at teaching and health professionals, which you can access by clicking here.

The Office for Standards in Education (OFSTED) has produced a report on sex and relationships education in schools, which contains guidance for good practice.
www.ofsted.gov.uk

Alcohol and teenage pregnancy is a publication funded by the Department of Health, written by Alcohol Concern and aimed at all those involved in personal, social and health education with young people in schools or youth work settings. It is particularly concerned with sex and relationship education and with alcohol education.
www.alcoholconcern.org.uk

The Channel 4 website has a section on sex education in the UK.
www.channel4.com

Sex and relationships

According to the Sex Education Forum, 'Sex and relationships education is lifelong learning about sex, sexuality, emotions, relationships and sexual health. It involves acquiring information, developing skills and forming positive, beliefs, values and attitudes'.

The Sex and Relationships Education Framework is the core document of the Sex Education Forum. It is also aimed at professionals who work with children and young people in all settings and who want to support the effective development of SRE policy and practice. For more information on sex and relationships education in schools, click here.

The Contact a Family charity has published a series of booklets looking at how being disabled might impact on issues around sex and relationships for young people. The series of three booklets offers guidance on what support is available to young people as they start to form intimate relationships.
A booklet for young disabled people (0.9Mb)
A booklet to support parents of young disabled people (1.4Mb)
A booklet for teachers (0.9Mb).

Websites associated with sex and relationships

Sex and Relationship Education Guidance (2000) is available on the Department for Education and Skills (DFES) website.

A factsheet on the current law and policy regarding the teaching of sex education in Northern Ireland’s schools is available on the Health promotion agency for Northern Ireland website. The agency was set up in 1990 as a special agency of the Department of Health, Social Services and Public Safety (DHSSPS) and is accountable to the Minister responsible for Health.
www.healthpromotionagency.org.uk

The Sex Education Forum is a part of the National Children’s Bureau and is the national authority on sex and relationships education (SRE). The Forum believes that good quality SRE is an entitlement for all children and young people. It works with religious bodies, children’s bodies, parents, governors, and health and education organisations. It has a factsheet on sex education in schools.
www.ncb.org.uk/sef
It also has a number of other publications aimed at teaching and health professionals on the subject of sex and relationship education.

RU thinking about it is a website aimed at teenagers, which has a section on relationships, including information for people who think they may be homosexual.
www.ruthinking.co.uk

Alcohol and teenage pregnancy is a publication funded by the Department of Health, written by Alcohol Concern aimed at all those involved in personal, social and health education with young people in schools or youth work settings. It is particularly concerned with sex and relationship education (SRE) and with alcohol education.
www.alcoholconcern.org.uk

HealthM8 is a website aimed at young people with information on important issues such as drugs, alcohol and sex and relationships.
www.healthm8.net

Safer sex

A person having sex could be at risk from the following:

• unwanted pregnancy
• sexually transmitted diseases, for example gonorrhoea and syphilis. Other examples include herpes, urethritis, pubic lice, scabies and hepatitis B
• HIV
• cancer of the cervix.

A way to reduce the risk of the above is to practise safe sex. To prevent pregnancy, a couple should opt for a method of contraception that suits them. (This section will concentrate on protecting against sexually transmitted diseases.)

It is a fact that the only completely safe form of sex is masturbation. All sexual activity with a partner carries a level of risk. That said, the risk of infection is virtually eradicated if the two partners are completely faithful to each other.

Different forms of sex carry different levels of risk. For example, petting with the hands is far less risky than penetrative intercourse. Oral sex carries less risk than intercourse, but it is still possible for person to become infected with a sexually transmitted disease through oral sex.

A person having sexual intercourse with someone who is not completely faithful, should always use a condom and keep it on throughout the entire act of intercourse. Some other barrier methods of contraception offer some protection against sexually transmitted diseases (for example the diaphragm or cap) but significantly less than a condom.

People are most at risk from sexually transmitted diseases if they have sex while under the influence of alcohol, as they are more likely to forget to practice safe sex.

Websites associated with safer sex

The BBC Lifestyle web pages contain a guide on safer sex.
www.bbc.co.uk

NetDoctor is an on-line collaboration between doctors, healthcare professionals, information specialists and patients providing, wherever possible, quality-assessed information on the basis of the principles of evidence-based medicine. It contains a section on safer sex.
www.netdoctor.co.uk

The Family Planning Association website has information on sexually transmitted diseases and how to avoid them.
www.fpa.org.uk

RU thinking about it is a website aimed at teenagers. It has a section on sex and relationships, including the relationship between sex, drugs and alcohol.
www.ruthink.co.uk

Sex, alcohol and other drugs

According to Brook, sex and relationships education needs to include more discussion about the association between alcohol, drugs and unsafe sex. This issue is of increasing concern in young people as 25% of 11 to 15 year olds admit to drinking alcohol, and this figure increases as teenagers age from 11 onwards. In fact, as many as 49% of 15 year olds admit to drinking alcohol. The amount of alcohol that 11 to 15 year olds drink has also significantly increased since 1990. In 2003, boys consumed on average 10.5 units of alcohol per week and girls 8.5 units. This is almost twice the amount consumed in 1990. Of 16 to 24 year olds, 36% of men admit to drinking more than eight units of alcohol in one day, on at least one day during the previous week, and 26% of women admit to drinking more than six units. Importantly, this is over twice the recommended safe daily limit.

The problem is not only confined to alcohol. Twenty-one per cent of 11 to 15 year olds reports to having used drugs in the previous year (usually cannabis). One per cent of this group has used heroine, 1% has used cocaine and in total, 4% has used a class A drug of some kind. These figures increase in 16 to 24 year olds, with 28% having used drugs (mainly cannabis) and 8% having used class A drugs.

Research shows that there is an association between drug and alcohol use and unprotected sex. Twenty per cent of young men and 13% of young women aged 15 to 19 years have said that alcohol was the main reason for the first time they had sexual intercourse. This was more likely the case the younger the woman. Furthermore, 40% of young people have not used protection during sex on at least one occasion primarily because they were under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

The first National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles showed that 62% of people reporting alcohol as a factor in the decision to have sexual intercourse for the first time used no contraception, compared with 30% who said they were ‘in love’.

Websites associated with sex, alcohol and other drugs

The Health and Wellbeing section of the Direct Gov website has information on sexual health, drugs and alcohol, aimed at parents.
www.direct.gov.uk

RU thinking about it is a website aimed at teenagers. It has a section on sex and relationships, including the relationship between sex, drugs and alcohol.
www.ruthink.co.uk

The Brook Advisory Service provides free and confidential sexual health advice and contraception to people under the age of 25 years. It has a section on its policy on sex drugs and alcohol.
www.brook.org.uk

The Channel 4 website has a report on sex and drugs within its drugs section.
www.channel4.com

TheSite.org aims provides support and guidance for young adults through life. It provides factsheets and articles on all the key issues facing young people including: sex and relationships; drinking and drugs; work and study; housing, legal and finances; and health and well-being.
www.thesite.org

Alcohol and teenage pregnancy is a publication funded by the Department of Health, written by Alcohol Concern, aimed at all those involved in personal, social and health education with young people in schools or youth work settings. It is particularly concerned with sex and relationship education and with alcohol education.
www.alcoholconcern.org.uk

HealthM8 is a website aimed at young people with information on important issues such as drugs, alcohol and sex and relationships.
www.healthm8.net

Abstinence programmes

Abstinence programmes are most widely established in the US, where there are two main approaches:

• abstinence only, in which teenagers are encouraged not to have sex at all and are provided with a rationale for this. This approach also aims to provide teenagers with the necessary skills to help them achieve abstinence
• abstinence plus, in which teenagers are encouraged not to have sex as in the abstinence only programme, but in addition they are provided with information and advice on contraception.

Whatever the approach used, it is argued that there is evidence to suggest that abstinence approaches can be effective in delaying the age at which young people have sexual intercourse for the first time, reducing unplanned pregnancy, and lowering the rates of sexually transmitted infections.

Abstinence programmes are currently not used in the UK and are a subject of wide debate. Many organisations argue that there is insufficient evidence to support the used of abstinence only programmes. A briefing document by the Sex Education Forum states that “there is no evidence that ‘abstinence only’ education either reduces teenage pregnancy or improves sexual health. There is also no evidence to support the claims that the teaching of contraception leads to increased sexual activity”. In fact, the US still has higher STI rates, teenage pregnancy rates, birth rates and abortion rates than most developed countries. Importantly, this is not because they are having earlier or more sex than their peers in other countries but is due to the fact they are less likely to use contraception/protection.

Research suggests that education and strategies that promote abstinence only (that is encouraging young people to refrain from having sexual intercourse but at the same time withholding information about contraception including condoms) can actually place young people at higher risk of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

Websites associated with abstinence programmes

The Sex Education Forum is a part of the National Children’s Bureau and is the national authority on sex and relationships education (SRE). The Forum believes that good quality SRE is an entitlement for all children and young people. It works with religious bodies, children’s bodies, parents, governors, and health and education organisations. It has a briefing document on abstinence-only education.
www.ncb.org.uk/sef

Family and Youth Concern is a national educational trust, which researches the causes and consequences of family breakdown. It has no political or religious affiliations and is funded entirely by voluntary donations. It has a document on abstinence education.
www.famyouth.org.uk

Love for Life is a project that supports young people and their carers in the area of relationships and sexuality education. Its website contains a publication supporting abstinence programmes.
www.loveforlife.org.uk